and you said cock pushups were impossible
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
