there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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