Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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