he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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