just come out here and I will go home with you...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
