not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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