Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
