so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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