There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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