So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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