if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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