I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
