captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
