whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
