saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't turn off my feet"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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