Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
