Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
