Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
