i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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