how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
