All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
