does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
my liver is dry heaving
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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