I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
