I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
