it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
