fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize