Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
