I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
