Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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