I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
are you so shy because you have an std?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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