my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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