how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
