Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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