Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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