butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize