Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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