dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
