Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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