just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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