Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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