Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
