I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
