I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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