I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
