she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
