chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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