meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
