Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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