the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
