Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
