so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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