The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
3pm strippers are depressing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
