I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
