I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
