I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize