Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
