I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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