i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
50% drunk capacity currently
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
