I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize