it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
