You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
