he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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