i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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