i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize