I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
