so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
