Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
