that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
