I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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