i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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