I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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