We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize