How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
