just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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