if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
