On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
