i may or may not be watching the land before time
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
