I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
