So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
