Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
