So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
