He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
not ubering you a puppy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
