Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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