my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
