I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
