It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize