so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
