guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
