My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
