buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
