I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
