I love black thongs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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