Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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