is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This is my gift to your gina
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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